Today was the remainder of the women's conference... Where do I begin? I was half afraid it would be a bust for me, that the greatest thing I would get out of my trip would be a better relationship with your family (which is, by itself, an amazing thing). And I was wrong. Happily wrong. The message from the closing speaker tonight was one of hope - hope in such a way that all of the things I mentioned in my previous love note feel validated, and not selfish at all. I came away crying, and remembering the little piece of art with my name on it that I keep in the corner of my mirror, and its Bible verse, John 14:13 - "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that you shall have..." The message tonight reignited that verse in my heart so powerfully. It is at once fearful and wonderful. I am so afraid to hope for and strive for all of these things because I don't believe myself capable or deserving... But I think determining those things isn't up to me. So, one more time, I feel hopeful, that I can have these things, and I am not selfish for wanting them. I will be hopeful, and I will believe in the words God left under my name on that art piece.

I wish you were here. You wouldn't be able to stop my crying with words, and would probably be grumpy as a result, but you would hold me as I cry, and try to ease my pain that way. And you would kiss me in every spot you saw tears, to such an extent and with such goofy ferocity that I couldn't help but laugh. And you would promise to help me in making every one of my dreams a reality, and reassure me that I was worthy and amazing as I am. And I would say that I still don't believe you - but every time you tell me so, it becomes more believable to me.

I am so worn and wrung out from the day - so much music and food and coffee and people talking and ministering - I'll sleep very well tonight before catching my train in the morning. I hope God has a message in my dreams tonight, something just for me. But I also hope I see you in my dreams tonight - I miss you so much, muffin.