I don't really need to write to you just now - you'll be in port until the decom happens. But I still wish you were nearby, closer than the 1000 miles away you are right now. I want to feel your arms around me again, soothing my nerves and sending chills over my skin.

I wonder if you really do understand how much you mean to me. Since you brought your gentility and humor into my life, my usually cloudy and tangled mind has seemed clearer than I ever remember it having been, and my worries and distractions are at ease. Over and over you tell me I am beautiful, I am precious, I am loved, and I've finally begun to believe it. You have made me feel worthy of accepting it all, and I finally feel more competent in giving that love right back to you.

This month is our 4th Christmas as a couple, and our 3rd since we were married. How special it is to think that, with the very next month, we'll be starting a brand new way of life in more ways than one - we'll be welcoming a new life into the world and into our lives, and settling down into a new house for a short time. We will be a family, the three of us.

You mean the whole world to me, muffin. I miss you more than you may know. I can't wait for Christmas to bring us together again.

You're a little late coming home. You said it would be Sunday when the Tiger cruise completes, but Sunday has come and gone... I know we can't expect complete precision on this sort of thing with your job, but I worry all the same. I want you home, or at least in port where I can call you on the phone, see your face on Skype. We all miss you so much.

Marlena's been very active recently - painfully so. Her kicks and rolls and shoves are more pronounced and oftentimes rather sharp, especially in the evenings. She's learning a rhythm, it seems, but I don't know what she's going to do as the space in my belly becomes way too cramped for her to move as usual. I go to see the doctor again in a couple of weeks, just for a checkup. If it gets worse I'll seek a little more help.

I've been baking today. Making potato candy is typically kinda arduous because of the rolling and mashing, but Mom had the bright idea to bring it together using the dough hook on Memaw's old mixer. It worked like a charm! It made me want my own KitchenAid stand mixer even more than ever! I made fried hand pies for the first time today, too - a gentleman at Papa Bear's workplace asked for apple and chocolate, so that's what I made. I still have plenty of each to make more, I just have to pick up some more pie crust. And if you want me to save some apple pies for you, I will. I promise.

You'll probably roll your eyes when you come home for Christmas - Mom and I have been picking up lots of things to pretty up Marley's crib (which I did go pick up the other day) and cradle. It'll be fit for a little princess like ours. Our room will be crowded because of all the baby things, but it'll be all the more reason for me to cuddle up close to you. I really can't wait to have you home, even if it's just for a few days. I love you so much, muffin.

I was so excited to get your email, muffin - it made my whole day ten times better. Hearing from you in any shape or form puts my heart at ease: I know that you're safe and well, and making it from day to day. I know it's going to be even better to have you home for Christmas, and that as overdone as you feel the holiday is, I'm going to do my best to make it special and relaxing for us - for you.

Tonight was my last night of birthing classes - I only had four to attend, 2 hours each, which surprised me. But they answered many questions and concerns, both things I had and hadn't thought of. I wish you could have been at the 3rd one. It was a coaching class, which ran both of us through things we'd have to handle during labor (breathing exercises and what not). I wanted to be able to practice those with you. I'll have Mama there in case you can't immediately be at my side for the birth, but the thought of that is just too much - I almost cried. I know Mom and I will try to go over everything we learned in all four classes, and I hope it will be enough. If nothing else, there's plenty of videos and articles we can both go over online together. You'll be just as ready as I am.

In fact, I'm much more ready for the delivery than I thought I could be. During the same 3rd class, we toured the Women's Center of DHC Regional, where I'll be delivering. We got to see the delivery room, and the recovery rooms, which we'll talk more about in time. And we got to see the nursery... Paul, I didn't realize just how tiny a newborn really is until that moment; I didn't think they were real. Watching a new little boy squirm in his blankets was surreal to me - it was a real little human being, despite its tiny size and shape. I feel much more confident about being able to push out something that size, and a little more excited too. I still have pangs of fear from time to time, because I can't see as far ahead on this as I would like to see. But even if you're far away, as long as I have your love with me, I think we can make it.

There's a lot happening on the non-baby front I'd like to share with you too: the updates to Homestuck are proceeding on schedule and with emotional intensity. And while in Tuscaloosa, I was lucky enough to stop in GameStop and snag the Diancie promo for Pokemon X & Y. We can trade it to your Y game if we ever find it, and then to our Alpha and Omega games if we decide to pick them up. And there's one more video game you're sure to get excited about that's looming on the horizon, but I'll let you discover it when you reach surface again. Everyone is gearing up for the WoW:WoD release too - I still haven't gotten on as much as either of us would have liked, mostly because of being dead tired at night and uncomfortable at that computer, but I do keep up with the guild on Mumble when I get a burst of energy in the evenings. I can't wait to be playing it with you, though - I know you'll have to be pretty patient with me (don't we always argue about how to do something at some part of the game?), but I feel a lot more confident with you by my side, both in game and in life.

And before I forget, the day hasn't ended yet. Thank you and your shipmates, from the family here in Bama, for serving our country. I got you a free donut and coffee from Krispy Kreme, but I eated it :P (Don't you dare make any donut jokes.) I love you bunches, and miss you even more, and I can't wait to be wrapped in your arms and covered in your kisses again.

It's been a few days since I spoke to you again. I'm glad your boat was able to have its repairs done so efficiently, but I'll always want you home with me - with us. It makes me happy to know you'll be home for Christmas, but it also makes me eager for December to hurry up. I'll have you here with me for a few days, and it will actually 'feel' like Christmas. Mom and I actually attempted to listen to Christmas music the other day, and we weren't even into the chorus before we both said "Shut it off!" It's just not time for it yet, and we couldn't stand it! I don't think I'll ever understand why stores are so insistent on rushing the Christmas shopping before Halloween's even over. It's quite ridiculous.

Marlena has become more active than ever, probably the result of my staying busy on my feet. I think she likes it better when I'm resting and she can settle and be comfy. I've been having more backaches, though, and more heartburn and less sleep. I hope cuddling with you isn't going to be very difficult when you come home for the holidays. I want so much to be wrapped up in your arms, even and especially with this little one between us. I want to see your face when you feel her moving around again, and to feel her for myself when she hears your lullaby right there next to her.

This coming week begins my last set of classes - I'll try to write them down sufficiently so that you stay in the loop. I still wish more than anything that you were here to take the classes with me, but I'll try to make sure you know what I know, so that you don't have to worry and panic so much when Marlena finally arrives. I suppose that's just one of the many reasons I want you back on the surface where at least I can hear your voice and occasionally see your face. We have so much to sort out in just a few months - I know we can do it, I just wish we could hurry up and get it all done.

I think of you every day, and wonder in those moments just what you're up to. I wonder if you're thinking of me, or if you're busy enough to not worry about me - both ideas make me happy, because it means you're not wasting away doing nothing. Don't forget that you mean the world to me, and I'm so proud of all that you're doing, and all that you've done. I love you, muffin.

Today will be one of the few rest days I receive for a bit. For two days my folks have kept me hopping from antique shop to thrift shop to yard sale, looking for baby things. I found a lot on the cheap too. Also last night I finally got together with Jennifer and did the baby shopping at Wal*Mart, using the two giftcards I received for my baby shower and her store discount to get two of my big ticket items. I feel rather accomplished.

Tomorrow starts my birthing classes in Tuscaloosa - it'll be an hour's drive there, perhaps a little better, and we'll search out the local Babies 'R' Us to look and shop there as well. I only have 4 birthing classes to attend: Nov 3&4, and Nov 10&11. I'm somewhere between excited and dreading - I'm kind of expecting some trite, impersonal methods and information I already know. I'm sad too; I wish you were here to share it with me.

And a small miracle has happened - my mom's taught me to play Sudoku! Looking at the board in my game app, I still can't understand how you can solve with those numbers all around the grid. It's a simple game of logic - eliminating what you know to be true to solve each box. I know it's not a team game or a competitive one, but I can't wait to play it with you all the same. It's mentally exhausting still, so I can only play a handful of games before I stop, but I'm glad I know how to play now.

Happy Halloween, muffin, and Happy Halloween-Candy-Sale Day tomorrow. (Don't worry, I don't plan on buying any.)

I'm a teeny bit miffed - I finally got email from you, but you only had a few quick questions for me to answer. But I reflected on it: I'm happy I can hear from you at all. Goodness knows you must be brain dead with all of your work, on top of being bodily tired. It's got to be easy for you to keep busy, at least. It's a little of a struggle here, even with preparing for Marley's arrival in a few months. Mom and I have been hitting up yard sales and thrift stores and even antique shops to search for everything we'll need - Grandma already has a crib/playard for us when we pass through VA on the way to our new place, and I'm getting a few more hand-me-downs from other people too. I think I've nearly narrowed down what we'll need for a baby monitor, and at a good price. There's a lot to consider and to purchase before we have all we need, but I've got a good portion already handled. I wish we could have done some of it together, though...

We're getting ready to have some guests for November, too - not quite Thanksgiving, but close. Mike Hill and my Dad used to work together in the Navy, and he babysat me a number of times. (Mom says I drove him nuts with an old VHS titled 'Imagine That!', and that's become our exchange/in-joke in the years since.) His family will be spending a weekend with us, so Mom's fixing an early Thanksgiving meal to share with them. Guests are kind of a big deal for this quiet little house, and I'm excited to get some of my holiday baking started. Of course, Papa Bear's already asking for cookies and chocolate pecan pie and butter rolls... (Don't worry, I'll make a pan for each of you when you're home for Christmas - I remember how you loved them. )

On smaller scale notes: Wendy is starting to get into trouble around here. She's dug under the fence in several places. I can only imagine she keeps trying to chase something out in the woods, but I'm worried for the day she follows our neighbor's dog out onto the highway. Kirby seems to have brought his mousing skills to fruition - I came home today to a dead mouse on the kitchen floor. It was literally a clean kill, only a little dried blood to clean up. It's only a guess that Kirby was the culprit, considering how he sniffed the floor afterward as if to say 'Where's my toy?' Mama said if he keeps it up, she may keep him. Meanwhile, I've been setting up my bedroom to prepare for Marley's arrival - it's a tight squeeze, but we'll manage when you visit, I'm sure. The cradle is sitting nearby, almost ready except for crib sheets, and I'm setting up the changing station on the wall, as well as her clothes in a small cubby on the shelf.

I'm kinda worried that we won't have enough time to talk logistics of getting a house set up for our arrival, and for actually getting Marley and me up there. I won't be able to go anywhere for a month or better because of my recovery time. I'll try to be on the computer with you when you come back to the surface and we can trade links for places I've reviewed and discuss where we want to live. I'm sure we'll find the ideal place for what we need; more importantly, we'll be together again. All three of us. A family. I can't wait to have you home for Christmas - I'll be counting the days until you come home.

You said goodbye in a rush today - I could guess why. It was sad, but it also warmed my heart so much, to be able to hear you in those last hurried moments. I wonder if you'll listen to my recording over and over, as I listen to your videos, just to hear your voice reassuring me, to see your face. Mama keeps telling me she feels so badly for us, that we can't be together right now, that she wishes things were easier. But I tell her not to be - we didn't sign up for 'easy'. She also says it's sad that, when compared to each other, you are the needy one and I'm the independent sort. I don't tell her that perhaps I'm only a different kind of needy, outside of being patient. I feel oddly content and somehow purposeful, knowing that I wait for you, as ladies have waited for their lords in the old romantic stories I've read, as wives waited on the widow's walks of their houses for their sailors. (I can hear you calling me a goober again. Stop it. Love me anyway.)

You won't receive it until you surface again, maybe not even until you reach port again, but I've sent you another sound clip - I recorded Marlena's heartbeat for you at my appointment today. He checked to make sure I wasn't leaking amniotic fluid (I got concerned when I began having unusual discharge), and everything is okay. They even did an ultrasound to check the sac itself. No pictures of Marley this time, but Mama was tickled to see her grand baby's heartbeat for the first time. I got to see Miss Beverly today too - for a few minutes. The poor woman is just so busy lately. 

 I should be more busy too. I still have thank you notes and gifts to send for the baby shower. Outside of that, perhaps I was overzealous in packing to keep myself entertained for the time I've spent here. I've hardly touched the PS3, save for watching Netflix with my folks; my 3DS has gotten a little more playtime, and I'm part of the way through my bookshelf. I do try to log on and speak with the guild every so often, but I'm still drowning a little in getting started with Makirsha. I think I'm going to write a little bit of short story for her, just something to help me flesh out her personality. If I can do that, it may help me feel more engaged and devoted to the character.

I can't tell you enough how much I miss you, how much I want you by my side, how much I love you. I think of you every day, and wonder just what you're doing in those moments. Your mom misses you too; I've passed her your work email so that she can send you messages. I'm sure she's worried for you - I don't feel I have to worry very much for you. You may have situations that try your patience, that leave you exhausted, even ones that seem to break your spirit. But I know you - I know how you push to do your best, how you strive to be your best. You have a team around you that, no matter the disagreements, is trained to look out for one another in the worst possible situations, and you're swaddled in thick metal, rocked by the cradle of the sea and watched over by God. I don't know what harm, if any, could truly come to you - I rest easy, knowing you're safe in these ways, and perhaps in others I don't know about. Never forget that I love you, and that you are amazing in my eyes - utterly, unfathomably, indescribably amazing, and you make me happy.

I woke up to a happy birthday message from you, and the revelation that you're already underway again. I had expected so, after not hearing from you - it doesn't make it much easier. I didn't realize I would miss you so very much... All of you, every last piece and puzzle. (I can hear you calling me a goober. I hope you love me anyway.)

Yesterday was Dad's class reunion, which was on the dull side. Mom and Dad took me to Mrs. Stephanie's place at last (they've been excited to introduce me), and they were having a Halloween bash. So I just kicked off my shoes and socks, and told them my costume was 'barefoot and pregnant'! The people there were warm and welcoming, if a little tipsy, and I felt right at home. I even sang with Dad for a bit - gosh, were we out of practice! Mom brought some s'mores essentials too, in lieu of a birthday cake, and that suited me just fine. We didn't come home until 2:30, and we're all still exhausted today. 

The obgyn has me on a medication right now - my urine sample revealed a bacterial infection that, while not noticeably bothersome right now, is not something I want while pregnant. It's a simple 7-day regiment of 4 pills per day, and that should clear it up. But boy, it hasn't helped with being tired today.

I wish you were here to share the Homestuck update with me - remember how it left off with things about to go to hell, with everyone flinging death threats? It's bad. And you'll probably catch things that I didn't in the flash. I gotta slog back through the story, I think.... I never catch things the first time in this story.

I miss you dearly... I think I already expressed that, but I still want you to know it. I want you to remember how much I love you, too - with every beat of my heart, with every breath that I take. You make my life worthwhile; you are the music of my life, the song that I can't keep from singing. You make me happy. Don't forget that.

I got to hear from you in a very early text this morning - but I expected that. I can only imagine how busy you've been most of the day, and how tired you are. I didn't get to hear from you beyond that, with the exception of a quick text letting me know that you had night duty tonight. It sucks so bad - you're back for just a little bit, but they're keeping you busy. I miss you terribly still.

Marley and I had a checkup today - everything is still ideal and on track. Our neighbor across the way took us to Vardaman, MS for a little day trip (it's only about an hour's drive). The little town is the purported Sweet Potato Capital Of The World, and they're gearing up for their annual festival. Our neighbor loaded up the back of her pickup truck with a whole crate of sweet potatoes for about $100! Then she took us to a tiny sweets shop where everything is made with sweet potato! I picked up a marmalade made there, as well as some candies and cookies (shame on me). The marmalade is amazing - sweet and slightly tangy, but also quite mild; perfect to go on some biscuits! I also fell in love with their peanut butter fudge (yes, there's even sweet potatoes in that too), and their pecan sandies. I hope I can hold back from using all of the marmalade - I want you to be able to try it when you come home to visit.

I think I may have to speak to the ob/gyn again when I go to the appointment he scheduled for next week - most of my worst heartburn is relegated to evenings now, but it's being accompanied with some very uncomfortable aches in the middle of my back, just below the shoulderblades. I worried myself a little tonight by looking it up, and finding that it could be indicative of gallbladder troubles - a little more common in pregnancy than you might expect (definitely more than I expected). Tums and milk curb it for the most part, but sometimes it's difficult to get to sleep with those aches and pains. I know it would be ten times better if you were here, though - one good massage and a long cuddle would make everything go away.

You came home today...! I was expecting a much longer dive, and I'm so happy I was wrong. But I know that longer ones are coming, and that makes me anxious all over again. Seeing your smile and hearing your voice made me so happy - I don't think you know how therapeutic your presence is for me. Even if we only have a few days before you dive again, I'm happy to have you within reach.

My heartburn seems to only stem in the evenings, I think. I know if I don't eat anything 2 hours before I lay down anywhere, I'll be okay. It's hard to remember that when you're tired all the time, though. Mama keeps telling me I need more exercise, or I'll never be able to push that baby out. I already feel like I don't have the strength to carry that car seat, and it's freaking lightweight!  

I hope we get to talk more tomorrow, after you leave work and I'm home from the day trip to Vardaman. Speaking of, I have to remember to talk to you about important bill and mail things. I'll try to do that when you and I don't feel insanely wiped out. 

I wish we had more energy, more time, and less distance - time with you is so precious to me right now, and I wish I could fill it up with more meaningful things. I love you so much - you simply don't know, darling.

I'm home. Last night was more exhausting than the conference, if you can believe it - the minute my head hit the pillow, I was done. For about three hours, anyway. Then I woke up, and was achy and tired and Marlena wouldn't stop moving around. The train ride home was pretty uneventful; I tried to sleep a little, but different things kept getting in the way - noisy kids in the seats ahead, getting thirsty, having to pee, neighbor shifted, Marley shifted, leg fell asleep... It was terrible. The train was late getting into my stop as well, making Dad late for band practice.

It was nice to meet the band, though - it was my first time being introduced to Kreek. Dad tried to get me into the band room to sing, but I had completely conked out on our hostess' couch. I was just so done. I felt a little better after the snooze, but I've been battling heartburn pretty much all day as a result of the overindulging at the conference. And the heartburn was powerful enough to make the middle of my back ache, and the ache was painful enough that it became unpleasant to breathe. I'm still kinda there now, as I settle in to sleep tonight.

Oh, I'll probably SQUEE about this the minute I have a phone call from you, but MSPA finally updated!! Ooh, I can't wait for you to read it so we can giggle over it and discuss what's happening! That and the new Sailor Moon Crystal episode helped me forget my aches and pains for a while. It would be so much better if you were here with me, though - I'd love to hear you doing your voice acting while we cuddle. 

Your mom did ask me if I was worried now that I couldn't hear from you regularly. And, as I told her, I'm more sad than worried. You're somewhere beneath the waves of the world, encapsulated by various metals against the tides, and your crew has your back as much as you have theirs. As long as I remember this, I don't have to worry about you. I know you'll come home to me, safe and sound. I miss you more for my sake - it's so hard not to be able to curl up close to you tonight after coming home from your family's place. I can only guess where you're going and for what reasons you're heading there. But don't forget that I love you, more than anything, and I will wait for you. -We- will wait for you.

Today was the remainder of the women's conference... Where do I begin? I was half afraid it would be a bust for me, that the greatest thing I would get out of my trip would be a better relationship with your family (which is, by itself, an amazing thing). And I was wrong. Happily wrong. The message from the closing speaker tonight was one of hope - hope in such a way that all of the things I mentioned in my previous love note feel validated, and not selfish at all. I came away crying, and remembering the little piece of art with my name on it that I keep in the corner of my mirror, and its Bible verse, John 14:13 - "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that you shall have..." The message tonight reignited that verse in my heart so powerfully. It is at once fearful and wonderful. I am so afraid to hope for and strive for all of these things because I don't believe myself capable or deserving... But I think determining those things isn't up to me. So, one more time, I feel hopeful, that I can have these things, and I am not selfish for wanting them. I will be hopeful, and I will believe in the words God left under my name on that art piece.

I wish you were here. You wouldn't be able to stop my crying with words, and would probably be grumpy as a result, but you would hold me as I cry, and try to ease my pain that way. And you would kiss me in every spot you saw tears, to such an extent and with such goofy ferocity that I couldn't help but laugh. And you would promise to help me in making every one of my dreams a reality, and reassure me that I was worthy and amazing as I am. And I would say that I still don't believe you - but every time you tell me so, it becomes more believable to me.

I am so worn and wrung out from the day - so much music and food and coffee and people talking and ministering - I'll sleep very well tonight before catching my train in the morning. I hope God has a message in my dreams tonight, something just for me. But I also hope I see you in my dreams tonight - I miss you so much, muffin.

I woke up very late today, after going to bed late. I picked up the Phoenix Wright game again, and it's every bit as tricky as before, if not worse. I'm already in the midst of the main case. I wish you were here to play it with me - we did so well on that first case together, noticing every little detail. We work well together on puzzles like that, I think... That makes me happy. But then, you make me happy in general.

The women's conference began tonight - Marley didn't quite know what was going in, only that she heard so many voices. It excited her. And while the praise music wasn't as loud as it would be in a bar, she felt those drums, and loved them. I got to meet Devon's mom, Terri, as well - I already like her, I think. Perhaps it's her complexion and hair color, but she reminds me of my mom a little bit. Anyway, this was just the opening service for the conference, and it picks up tomorrow morning and continues all day. I hope I have the stamina to make it through - just standing for the praise music put a little strain on my body. But it promises to be fun.

Already, before the conference started, I've been trying to look through myself for flaws... And I have found an important on, something I've scolded myself about since becoming pregnant. I'm selfish. So many people around me tell me I'm the most giving and loving person they know, and while I do try to be these things, it hasn't stopped me from being covetous of what others have and materialistic in general. I'm constantly worried about what I can do to enrich MY life in some way, either through things or experiences - I keep thinking my life will be better if I can do this or have that, and I won't have to worry as much as a result. The vow renewal is my most immediate example, as it's something we both want - but I've never asked or even mentioned a honeymoon, or any trip that would last longer than a week with just the two of us. I've squealed over the idea of going to DisneyWorld with you, since it would be that sort of trip, but I knew it was out of our reach, and may yet be for some time. I dream of a lovely house like your mother's, with wide rooms that can hold our large families. (And beautiful ornaments on every surface - I would light a candle at least once every day!) I wish for the energy and stamina and willpower that both my mom and yours seem to possess, that I could be a better housewife and mother in the long run - a better me all over. And all of that is just selfish, in the end. God gives us enough, if we can use it properly, you and I. So, I want to try and explore this needy nature of mine, and cut it off at its root if I can. I just... don't yet know where to start. I hope this conference will be what I need to find a starting point.

I watched your video this morning at last - and I just about cried. I hate it that you have to be so far away, but I hope you're already enjoying your work. I want you to remember that you mean the world to me, no matter where you go in the world. I hope you'll surface soon; I can't wait to talk to you again.

Merrit and I met up for lunch at O'Charley's today (your mom left the suburban keys and let me know I could use it to get out of the house). Kylie has gotten so big and adorable - if Marley is just half as cute and sweet as her, I'll be satisfied. She's already beginning to show again with the new little one on the way - no way to know the gender just yet. It was nice to sit with her one on one and just chat. To be honest, though, it's been nice to do that with almost everyone here in Evans - not having you here as support has been hard, but it's also been positive, since I'm not relying on you to keep conversation and connection going. I'd still give anything to have you here, though.

Liz and Micah were both here for dinner - aside from Micah, it was just us girls talking about this and that over leftovers. Micah did spout off some things that surprised me he knew - Liz says he's in some advanced lessons. Kid picks up quick! Tomorrow evening starts the Inspire conference, plus your mom and I have to hash out our timetable for Sunday morning - I have to be at the station by 8am.

Marley has liked stretching out in my belly today, at odd angles. I felt her try to lay longways with one end at my spine and the other end at my navel - as if there were room! At least she isn't curling up at the very bottom and kicking me in the cooch.... That's pretty miserable. I know she misses her daddy, though - she still loves hearing your lullaby and will react to it, either with a few kicks to cozy herself or a general feeling of peace. I still don't quite know how she does that...

I miss you too. I wish it took just the sound of your voice to completely set me at ease, but I don't think I'll really be myself again until you're here with me, where I can hold you and be held by you. I need my sailor here with me. I miss him and I love him, more and more with every breath and every heartbeat.

Last night I had a set of very vivid dreams. The first one was Alice in Wonderland with a twist. She entered Wonderland through the looking glass but couldn't get back that way - the looking glass ended up being a small transportable mirror piece that she could somehow copy, expand, stick on a surface, and then pass through. (It reminds me a little of Jade's powers in Homestuck.) Kinda neat, except she couldn't control where it led her to, and she couldn't remove a mirror from its spot. (Maybe she could go back those ways? I didn't experiment.) As for the travel itself, she kept jumping between not only areas of Wonderland and the real world, but times as well. This Alice apparently had a twisted backstory, as she watched a house from her past, probably an old home, become ablaze with fire and then drown in the rain. And she caused the rain, somehow. Did I mention she met with the Mad Hatter from the first? She was a tiny thing at that instant, and she remembered dreaming him somehow, so there was some definite romantic attraction despite their sizes. He was the one who gave her the small mirror to pass through from place to place, and it seemed like he would tag along, but I only saw him that once, in the beginning. The whole dream seemed like it ought to be a series, or at least a miniseries.

The next set of dreams started off as reality, but faded into nonsense. The gist was that your mom had planned a surprise party for me while I'm visiting, constituting a family reunion. But there were some strange relatives and rituals going on - team sports, pranking one another's rooms (oh, yes, we were all staying here, it looked like a mansion!), and people running around crazily in general. It was funny, though - and the dream segued into another dream that I've had before - one of traveling in a car on a busy highway, crossing a very long bridge, and in the middle of the bridge is an exit to get off at an island that houses a theme park much like Disneyworld. The road on the bridge even slopes with one of the coasters to give passerby a glimpse of the inside. Really a beautiful setup.

Today, after the bible study group, Rick took us to see the new Whole Foods Market they'd recently finished building and treated us to gelato sold there. (I got orange rosemary sorbet - the Rosemary lingered after you took a bite; it was heavenly! I think Marley liked it too, from the way she wriggled and kicked!) Your mom was impressed with all the healthy lunch options available on the bars too, and she started concocting a way to get there for her lunch break :)

I hope your 'trainer' isn't being too rough about whipping you into shape - then again, I hope he is; I know how much you want to lose that weight. Still, I wish the process were easier as a whole.

I think coming to spend a week with your family on my own was a really good idea - I've gotten a much better glimpse of the family dynamics. Micah has been an extraordinarily good boy lately, which was a load off of poor Liz's mind, I'm sure. She's gone ahead and bought the new Kia to replace the broken one - it has a lot of extras that didn't come with the last one, but she's still aggravated about the whole thing.

I haven't heard from you since yesterday morning - technically it's Thursday right now, but I'm going to wait until I wake up in the morning to watch the video you sent. I missed you terribly today - I keep wondering what you must be doing and thinking. Since I haven't heard from you, I can only guess that you must be underway, and therefore farther away than I could hope to reach. I missed you terribly today. I want a hug so badly. I would be happy just to hear your voice on the phone again - just that makes things a little easier. And now I don't even have that. I wish you had sent me a shirt...

I had a hard time falling asleep last night because of how warm it was. But because I was awake, I got to talk to you for a little while as you drove into work. You sent me a video and made me promise not to watch it until Thursday - it's only Tuesday now, I'm already impatient to hear your message. But I do my best to keep my promises. I feel bad for not making you the video I promised - perhaps I'll finally be able to do that when I return from visiting your family.

Marley's movements inside of me are sporadic. I don't think she quite understands why she suddenly hears new voices more often. Most times the little thumps are fine, but occasionally she'll give a good hard shove that'll catch me by surprise. I think if you put your head there against my belly, one of her kicks would knock you pretty soundly. I -know- from our What To Expect book that, if you put your head there against my belly, you just might hear her heartbeat. 

Your sister's car broke down - she's having a hard time comprehending how the engine in a two year old car could suddenly just break. But two different places have confirmed that it's a loss. The Kia dealership is offering her deals to replace the car, since it would be cheaper in the long run than installing a new engine, and she's mulling them over and haggling with them. When I gave her a hug tonight, she started to cry - I hate it that she's been thrown such a sudden curve, and that she's so stressed out by the whole thing. She was happy to get to rub my baby belly, though - I think it took her mind off of things for a few moments.

The bed here at your mom's place seems a lot bigger without you. I miss being able to snuggle close to you even more here than I do at my parents' place. I would never accuse your family of being unfeeling, they're all dear and sweet people, but I feel like they get too caught up in 'doing' to worry about 'being'. I love it when I can just 'be' with you, not worrying about what needs to be done in the outside world. Being without your hugs and kisses has, I think, made me more tense of a person, leaving me with the sensation of leaving a plush carpeted floor and stepping out onto a cold tiled one - walking forward is easily done, but it's nowhere near as pleasant without you by my side.